thoughts in the key of me

After hearing about 750words.com I started wanting to analyze my own texts, blogs, etc. I found a few online options. Here are some of the results for THIS post:

I just chose the top two I found in the Google search for “text analyzer” But I think seeing this kind of data is very telling…n’est-ce pas?

Online Text Analysis Tool

Some top phrases containing 3 words (without punctuation marks)	Occurencies
i want to	2
i know there	2
to get it	2
there is a	2
in my head	2
i plan to	2
have too many	2
to join the	2
i also have	2
join the project	2
the site is	2
so i can	2
i am loving	2

Some top phrases containing 2 words (without punctuation marks)	Occurencies
i am	6
but i	6
to be	6
want to	5
i have	5
is a	4
for the	4
all the	4
there is	4
i can	4
have to	3

Textalyzer.net

Top Words Used

Word	Occurrences	Frequency	Rank
time	8	1.6%	1
here	7	1.4%	2
want	5	1%	3
start	5	1%	3
yoga	5	1%	3
project	5	1%	3
writing	4	0.8%	4
really	4	0.8%	4
every	4	0.8%	4
need	4	0.8%	4
personal	4	0.8%	4
it’s	4	0.8%	4
words	4	0.8%	4
little	4	0.8%	4
excited	3	0.6%	5

Through a friend’s FB post, I found THIS nifty little thing.

It’s called 750words and basically it is a high tech way to do the standard “stream of consciousness” journaling that is so integral to creativity flow. A really great article about it is here. It works for writers and non writers alike, as there is no need to put any coherent sentences together for the program to work. It will analyze and map out the data, which I think could be very enlightening. The challenge is to write 750words every day for an entire month. Sounds daunting, but really, once you have taken away all rules about grammar and syntax and purpose and plot, there is just you and “putting your thoughts into words.” For some people, this could truly be an experiment in healing and inner exploration. Free association is a powerful tool.

Unfortunately the site is disabled at the moment. From what I gathered, this was supposed to be the creator’s personal journaling tool, and he never expected the kind of attention it has been getting, thus the server was ill equipped. HOWEVER, he is some kind of web guru in his own right. I have every confidence he will fix the problem eventually…hopefully in time for the April Challenge!

If you are intrigued, you can enter your email address here and get a notice when the site is ready for more writers! I’m so excited I could wet myself!

Another one of his projects is 8:36pm. Essentially, he has committed to taking a picture on his cell of what he is doing every day at exactly 8:36pm…pretty much forever. He even analyzed THAT data and broke it all down here. I shot him a comment asking for an iphone app that could keep all the data analyzed for the rest of us that want to join the project. Read about the purpose and spirit behind the concept here.

I plan to join the project beginning on my birthday. I doubt I will be interested in keeping it up FOREVER, but for this next year, my 30th year, the year I expect amazing things to happen, I want to catalog those fixed time points for future reference. I guess each pic will need to be tagged with people, places, and activities. Maybe he will come up with that app soon enough that I don’t have too many back entries to upload. (HINT HINT MR BENSON!!)

As for me: Let’s see: Yoga 5+days a week (minus the 2 days I was dying of consumption) in preparation for pursuing my Yoga Teacher Certification. I would REALLY like to get it this summer, but all signs point to not having the funds in time. But I will get it eventually.

Health and Wellness are such a point of passion for me. I desperately want to share my thoughts and findings with everyone. And I want to embrace the Yoga Lifestyle with all my being. There are depths to be mined here for those willing to dig. I got my shovel.

Finding out that there is a HOT HOUSE YOGA class in Katy makes me all the more excited about the prospect of eventually teaching Yoga full time in Houston. The flexibility to make my own schedule essentially, to work with different groups of people, and to make connections with my fellow Houstonians that are interested in fitness is very appealing.

Writing writing writing. That about sums up the majority of my days when I am not ass-high into a downward dog. I have several books, stories, etc in my personal project roll-o-dex, but I also have the web series Toonagers, slotted to begin shooting this Fall. I am really excited about this project, and I cannot wait to be up to my elbows in it!

I also have a music project in the works with an old friend from college. He sent me some of his beats and I found them inspirational enough that soon I was writing words and melody lines…I have to figure out how to use Garage band (I know there are TONS of tutorials online. I’m GETTING to them!) so I can record over his beats. And apparently I need a special adapter thing-a-ma-jig so I can input with my good mic directly to my computer. Not an ideal set up I suppose but it’s all I got up here.

It’s a start I suppose. My musical ideas are so chaotic right now, exploding in every different direction. I need an outlet to start squishing it into some coherent form. House + Jazz + singer/songwriter stuff + comedy? = Who Knows WHAT? But I can hear it in my head. Just have to find a way to get it down.

Finally my darling Joanna, pianist, organist, idea-gal extraordinairre has asked me to collaborate with her on the libretto for a musical. We are not sure we can get the rights for the story it is based upon, but we are going to start working on it any way and see if we have good enough ideas to even attempt to get them.

I am realizing I have too many pies for my ten little fingers, and some of these things will have to fall to the back of the queue for a bit, probably my personal stuff, the books and stories, but I plan to start hitting up literary agents soon. I know there is a whole world of self publishing out there, but I figure I should probably start with the Ye Olde Traditional Waye.

I may be doing time out here in the boonies, but I am determined to use the time, and not let the time use me. ( I heard that on a movie…it was actually a reference to PRISON time, but hey, we all have our own personal prisons!)

Lots of stuff germinating in my head lately. Thoughts and philosophical drivel. Learning and growing and stretching…it hurts, but it’s a good hurt. I am loving how many little things are seeming to fall into place. I am loving all the tiny little connections that are forming, like the neurons in the brain, synapses firing…I have so much to learn about life, this universe, relationships, God, happiness, health, food, politics. I never claimed to be an expert. I just want to be able to go about my studies with all the passion and intensity I can muster.

…begin with a realization:

“Most true desires come with capacity.”

~Danielle LaPorte, White Hot Truth

Preach it Sistah.

I am embarking upon a new journey; spiritual, physical, financial, artistic, eclectic, you name it.

I’m so excited about it I can hardly sit still long enough to type this short little post.

I hope you will come with me…I need all the loving support I can get, and I want to share everything I learn with all of you.

Expect the unexpected!

(Thanks Oscar. You ROCK.)

Namaste

I like to read humor blogs…at least well written ones. I especially like blogs by people that are not professional writers.

15 Minute Lunch was one of the first humor blogs I ever followed. He is, most of the time, terribly funny and witty.

Recently he blogged about the Bucky Balls he got for Christmas. You can read the full post here.

He ended up losing one of the tiny magnetic balls and wrote to the company to see about getting a replacement. This was their response:

Johnny,

Yeah. these people are the shit. And I intend to patronize them and buy their nifty little balls..and play with them. Woooohoo!

Carry on.

Traveling North from HTown to Naco-nowhere on my occasional visits I have never been pulled over. I am usually fairly cognizant of the small town speed limits, but traveling South things are a bit different. For one, Diboll is, to those in the know, a Bona Fide Speed Trap. Not only that, Diboll’s Finest, I have learned, are notorious for taking full advantage of their “to-the-letter” policy and pulling over passers-through for so little as five miles over the posted speed. I wonder if the average pay of Diboll officers is higher than that of surrounding towns? While I recognize their legal duty to fulfill this lucrative policy, as a Houstonian the concept of five-over being considered speeding is so absurdly preposterous I was almost mute with shock when I found myself staring at the business end of a Diboll Police squad car in my rear view mirror earlier this month. Almost.

To be fair, I was in fact speeding. But in my defense I was driving a giant Suburban that makes 95 feel like 35 and had been so careful to set my cruise control for the entire trip that I honestly did not notice the sudden drop in posted speed limits from 70 to 55 within a quarter-mile. And I was in fact going the same speed as the flow of traffic, I just happened to be the unlucky bastard to catch the radar of Officer Opie. Lovely man. And my chosen nickname is less a slam than it is a comment on his remarkable resemblance to a younger, buffer, hotter Ron Howard, Titian locks and all. BTW, I have a thing for red heads, always have.

Ok now that I see a picture of him again I think maybe he looked less like that and more like this:

Minus the ears. Plus red hair. OK FINE! HE LOOKED NOTHING LIKE OPIE!!!! But it’s funny to call him Opie so I’m sticking with it.

Long before Officer Opie approached my window a frantic search of glove compartment, center console, and visor gifted me with the happy knowledge that my parents did not have a current proof of insurance in the car. Perfect.

When he finally did approach, I was so flabbergasted I actually didn’t give him a chance to ask the notorious “Do you know why I pulled you over” question.

Me: (actually squinting open mouthed like a dumb redneck and looking behind me at the street I just pulled off like I thought I was hallucinating his presence) Why did you pull me over? (Ok it came out sounding a tad more accusatory than I actually meant it. I was TRULY confused.)

Ope: Well I clocked you at 73 in a 55 back there

Me: Holy crap! Really? I had no idea the speed limit had changed. I’m not from around here and I was going the flow of traffic so I thought I was good. Really sorry about that. (I laugh congenially, obviously embarrassed. No WAY he would give a pretty gal like me a ticket for such an honest mistake.) Plus I have never really driven this car; it’s my parent’s and it is hard to gauge the speed in it. (Aw, poor pretty little gal. New car, new town; honest mistake. Mesmerizing smile…)

Ope: Can I see your license and registration please?

Me: Absolutely, here you go. They seem to have forgotten to put the new card in here, it was expired just last month. I’d be happy to fax in that proof for the dismissal.

Ope: No problem. I can look it up on the computer. As long as you have it, I can just give you the warning.

Opie leaves to go check it all out at his car. I’m thinking I’m golden. This is not a case of blatant law breaking. I was not merely trying to get away with something like the other common rabble rousers! I was genuinely remorseful and it was simply a case of “whoopsie!”

Smiling Opie returns to my window and I smile brightly at him. Blissfully confident in my assumptions.

Opie: I’ve just issued you a warning for the insurance card…

I am relaxed and feeling so blessed. What a nice…

Ope: …and I’ve given you a citation today for your speed.

kaBOOM!

OH MY GOD DO NOT CRY CORTNEY!  I feel the hateful lump gather in my throat and my eyes are swimming.

Opie: If you could just sign here please, this is not an admission of guilt it is merely an acknowledgment that I have told you of the court date on of before which you…wah wah wah wah…

I am feeling truly miserable and I know my face is a perfect mask of woe. I know this because I, the consummate actress cannot seem to manage to control it at the moment. Keep in mind folks I have had sort of string of shitty luck the past few months. Nothing like a ticket to drive home the fact that The Universe is pissed at you.

He holds out the little doohickey and plastic stylus. The memory of someone telling me that I am not legally obligated to sign the thing is replaying in my head. Is that really true? Or was that just someone’s asshole father that liked to argue with cops? If Gwen wasn’t with me today might be a good day to pop my arrest cherry. I am tempted to tell him to shove that plastic pen right up his fire-crotch mangina, and am surprised at just how far the words get along my tongue before I bite them back and sign the damn thing. I must be getting balsier in my old age.

Opie: Do you have any more questions for me today Ms. Peacock?

Hell yeah I do! Did this help you make your quota asshole? Did you manage to write enough bullshit tickets this month to afford that new Bow Flex for the station the boys have been wanting? I hope your Mother gets arrested for possession of marijuana! I hope your kids are born with club feet!

Me: (in a sudden fit of melodrama that is, contrary to what most people seem to assume about me, uncharacteristic) Yeah. (sniff sniff) Where’s your heart?

This would have been the perfect way to dramatically (and metaphorically) stomp off, except my silly girlie crying made it difficult for him to understand my words and he had to say “I’m sorry?” Repeating it louder, and this time unable to meet his eyes, as now I was feeling more than a little pathetic and stupid, just didn’t have the same affect.

Opie: Have a nice day, then.

Of course, as soon as my window was up I was sobbing hysterically. It had already been kind of a crap day in a long string of crap weeks and I was driving to Houston for a visit that had me almost climbing upward from my pit of melancholy. The ticket felt like a mean arm shoving my head back under water, the sound of watery laughter reaching me while I struggle. So I made a spectacle of myself for a few miles. Passing cars undoubtedly thought I had just run over my own dog.

My sobs only heightened in pitch and intensity when just outside the heinous town’s city limits I finally read the fee schedule for 18 miles over: 180 bucks. Beautiful. Diboll, you have officially made my shit list. And Opie, I’m not so sure I think red heads are sexy any more. I’m sure all the red heads in the world thank you. PPPPbbbbttthhhhht!

I figured I better start updating since I just gave my web address out to a few random people last night.

Much has transpired since September. The economy plus A Series of Unfortunate Events has forced me to take a brief sabbatical from…well mostly everything. Everything except writing. This I will be doing with heretofore (on my part) unprecedented abandon.

I have several items in the queue: The previously mentioned Web Comedy Series is a big fat go. Look for The debut of TOONAGERS this very Fall! I’m pretty stinking excited about it. I will post up all relevant links as they are available.

Toonagers Web Series

A dear friend has asked me to write a screen play with him. The premise is hysterical and timely and the flavor will be akin to that of the Seth Rogen or Will Farrell campy films everyone knows and some love. As soon as I have some outlines and ground work established I intend to set up a timeline and complete the rough draft of said screenplay by year’s end. “But Cortney,” you say, “you have no experience writing in this format!” To which I jauntily reply: “Tis true, friend. But have no fear, I….” ok, so that is actually where the projector reel seems to dissolve and bubble into a hot gooey mess while the audio track whines down into silence, leaving the theatre dark and full of heckles and boos from the restless audience. All to say: I’ll wing it.

Finally, I have several..ahem…”novels” (I would like to formally log the fact that I HATE that word…so much PRESSURE associated with it!) begun that are in desperate need of attention. I will be treating these a bit more loosely, as lexophilic masturbation, really; just a way to have more than one or two projects going at once, since I work better with multiple irons in the fire, and I have pledged to write SOMETHING every day. (Today, this blog qualifies as my “something.”)

The wine web site is likely to see some activity soon. It’s creator temporarily has much more time on his hands than he previously had and will be doing some work in the near future. He has new pics, courtesy of Jeremy Keas. In the meantime, here’s an apetizer:

Well, as so many performers do, I found myself a bit unoccupied after RENT wrapped. But I quickly saddled up and began pursuing as many new projects as I could. Here is a quick list, just so you all know what I MAY be up to in the near future:

I have been working on some photos for Jacob’s website. We envision a “wine girls” calendar and site photos in the same vein as car and motorcycle magazine models. Sexy, scantily clad women posing with the product. I have a slightly more artistic vision for the photos: saturated colors and a little more personality from our models. The photos posted in this blog were some of the basic mock ups I came up with. They are far from perfect; there are a few weird angles and I am unhappy with the background, but they are a good starting place for my vision.

1. I have e-met a most intriguing and entertaining gentleman writer/actor who is casting for a fascinating TV comedy series filming this Fall. There is a character that I think is perfect for me (of course until I read with the leading man, it is all theoretical) and I am anxious to give this gal a whirl for the directors. I have a meeting with them in two weekends and I have been promised a foam free soy latte to boot.

The rapport this gentleman and I have had over the Interwebs has taken me somewhat aback. It was a natural and easy e-conversation and I look forward to the face-to-face. Both creators of the show have expressed their appreciation for my word craf–I shamelessly pulled out all the stops in my emails in an attempt to get noticed–and boy did I do a good job. One has already proposed and the other has openly addressed the chapping of my over-smooched buttocks.

All just witty reparte, of course. Verbal jousting is my most holy and treasured form of entertainment. If I cannot be in the show as an actress, I sincerely hope to find a place on their writing team; even if it is merely in the editorial clean-up ilk. Time will tell.

2. I have cast my lots with the local Modeling and Promotions agencies. $100 bucks to hand out free beer in logo crop tops and short skirts? DONE. Money is money, you know, and each event is a chance to get seen by people. Some of these same agencies are called for commercial and small film castings; that will of course be my focus.

I never really felt like I was thin enough or fit enough to pursue even print modeling, but I think that perhaps maybe now I am. We shall see.

Actually, I am on several new mailing lists for state-wide casting in the film and commercial arena. Oddly I have never really thought about doing film or television or commercials. Theatre was my art and it never occurred to me to venture beyond that until recently. Strange isn’t it? Don’t most little girls that dream of being actresses/singers/performers think “Hollywood?” How did I miss that particular bug all these years? But a few dear friends recently said something to me that was at once flattering and embarrassing. “Girl, you ain’t got a face for radio.”

Fair enough.

And really the more I think about it, the more intrigued I am by the prospect of allowing my acting skills to reflect the minutiae of human emotions that are lost on the stage.

3. I have recently come into contact with a young lady that is putting together a “girl singing group.” At first I was skeptical, and I remain so, somewhat, but after talking to her in person, I have learned that she seems to really know what she is doing with this project. She has extensive experience and contacts in the music recording industry and has put together a management and creative team dedicated to get this project off the ground and running, in preparation for approaching major labels. Now, granted, being a member of a girl singing group has never been my life’s ambition, but singing is my gift, and the chance to use that gift in any way is alluring. Plus I have a good feeling about the project; perhaps I will meet someone important to The Grand Scheme.

We have an audition and meeting this coming Friday the 19th at Music World behind House of Dereon. Consider me impressed. At least it’s not in her Mom’s garage.

4. I put in my resume with Houston Symphony for the assistant to the Artistic Director. I also pulled one influential string through the Chorus Master of the Houston Symphony Chorus and he graciously put in a good word for me. The individual he spoke with promised to look personally at my resume.

5. I also sent my resume to Alley Theatre for their wardrobe crew this season. Playing with costumes is a great love of mine! And, perhaps most far-fetched, I sent a resume in to the Houston Ballet for the position of Company Manager. The title sounds important, but upon reading the responsibilities and requirements, I am confident it is a glorified secretarial position. Scheduling flights and accommodations, checking for paper work completion, and helping with the educational outreach programs. Unfortunately I don’t really have any strings to pull with either of those organizations. Hopefully my cover letters will suffice to get my resume more than a cursory glance.

So, that’s what is in the works for me. Hopefully I will have something of great interest and even greater monetary gain to report in the very near future! Otherwise, my proverbial wine bottle will run dry…

a collection of on stage and back stage anecdotes for your entertainment pleasure:

BACK STAGE:

During Hell Week, one of the ensemble had hung up her costumes in the dressing room, and when she got back the next day, they had vanished. They STILL have not turned up. It is an unsolved mystery.

The day before our final dress, Kurtis (Benny) was helping her look for said vanished costumes in the attic when he found a soft spot in the ceiling tiles and came crashing through onto the recently moved couch. Lucky bastard.

One Saturday rehearsal we got the cops called on us collectively as a cast while out to lunch. It was all thanks to an oddly irate restaurant manager with a history for having a short fuse, but the Pasadena Police Department did a fantastic job that day with their racial profiling, sending FOUR squad cars to the scene, and focusing their attentions on the ethnic members of our cast. LOVELY.

ON STAGE:

There has not been a single show in which we had zero mic problems for the entire night. In other words, someone’s mic was messing up (or broken, poor Kurtis) or popping, or not on, or something during at least one critical point, in every performance. No fault lies with any person, it was just an equipment issue, and really a minor one at that, but OH the magic…

RENT:

There are plenty of times we crazy bohemians jump up onto the onstage tables during the show. Unfortunately, the damn things are on casters, with no brakes; I haven’t counted the instances up, but I know we have all NEARLY busted our rumps and fallen off when an over-zealous cast mate has joined us up there, creating a surf-the-stage effect.

LIGHT MY CANDLE:

One night the matches all spilled out in Dave’s (Roger’s) pocket and when he opened the box, he found only 3 in there. He has to light the candle exactly three times in the song, but most nights, either the candle goes out accidentally, or a match breaks or drops, requiring a few back ups. That night it was a miracle we weren’t reaching into my jacket pocket for the hidden “just in case matches” to complete the scene.

Twice during “Light my Candle” when Dave (Roger) blows out Mimi’s candle, the scalding hot liquid wax has splashed all over my, er, um…decollete. I consider it a triumph of acting skills that I didn’t even flinch..and last night’s spray was particularly juicy. still scraping wax off my bra, Dave….thanks.

Thanks to some last minute changes in blocking, (we had to stand further up stage to catch the light) when I pick-pocketed Roger for my smack, and turned to run GRACEFULLY out of the room, I instead ran directly into the trash can on opening night, making a large crashing noise and getting a great laugh from the audience. Actually did that one other time with a slightly less obvious effect. NICE.

TANGO MAUREEN:

I am pretty sure it was this number when we had some weird phone ring issues happen one night. I only heard about it second hand, but from what I gathered, the phone just kept ringing even after it had been picked up, which is no big deal, but pretty funny.

OUT TONIGHT:

Way too many little things to list here, but the one that sticks out in my head especially was the night my fishnets caught on the twinkle lights on the railing, and I was frantically trying to unhook them so I could walk down the stairs to finish the number. Hopefully from the audience’s perspective I was just hanging out a little longer with my leg over the rail while I sang, but I barely made it. Sweating bullets that night fo sho.

Managed to hit my head while running off stage on the scaffolding hard enough to see a white flash. I just kept walking hoping I would make it back stage before I collapsed if I was going to black out. I didn’t and I was fine, but I’m really not sure how or why. WHITE FLASH, people. I should have had a concussion or at least a goose egg. NADA. Weird. The weirdest thing? That I only did this ONCE. New meaning to the term “SMACK”

CHRISTMAS BELLS:

While trying to get my coat on right before my entrance  the interior liner ripped, and I thought I had the arm thru, but as I walked onto stage I realized that the hand reaching for air through what I thought was the sleeve, was actually caught between the seam of the liner and coat. One coat arm was flopping uselessly at my side for most of the first part of that song.

I love that we drop “snow” directly onto our pianist and her keyboard. She just keeps trucking along, but that would annoy me greatly. Props Miriam.

Most of you don’t know, but until our Final Dress, we had an ACTUAL motorcycle driving Maureen in at the end of “Christmas Bells.” IT was VERY loud, and VERY smelly, and the logistics of maneuvering it through the obstacles and people and the 2 measure vamp that took more like 16 bars to complete nixed that idea, but it was pretty cool originally.

LA VIE BOHEME

This is a tough one to do when senior citizens are visible in the audience. Sure, miming sexual acts and talking about Dildos and masturbation is a daily occurrence in MY world, but I wouldn’t do it in front of  Grandma. Why isn’t there a rating for warning the Golden Girls? Maybe EA? (Elderly Alert: this show will shock and appall all viewers over 55, and possibly send you into apoplectic fits, be advised…this ain’t Irving Berlin.)

SEASONS OF LOVE:

I don’t believe we have spaced ourselves accurately one single time. There is always SOMEONE standing at an angle at some point in the line. The irony of that, is that I have stood in the same exact place every time, as I have BOTH spike tape I am using AND a landmark on the far wall (blinking red light of the alarm system maybe?)

COSTUME CHANGE: Angel (Aicardo) has, I believe 90 seconds to change from the jeans and tshirt and boy makeup he is wearing for Seasons of Love into his full-drag Pussy Galore New Year’s costume, including false eyelashes. He has NEVER been late, but I hear we have had a few close calls.

HAPPY NEW YEAR:

Opening night: we forgot the “DOOR” sign on the up-ended table. Whoops! I think it got remembered a few bars before it had to be taken off for the “open sesame.” Better late than never, right?

One night the Champagne bottle was broken on stage and we had to clean up the glass, run back to get an extra bottle and try not to slip on the wet spot…joy.

Had serious trouble getting into the unopened champagne bottle one night…it became something of a comedy of errors, as we were still trying to open it when we were all supposed to be drinking it already.

btw: I found I had collected almost ALL of the caps from every bottle, every show in my coat pockets.

CONTACT:

O. M. G. The sheet that comes out over the audience was a problem from day one, and although I THINK it has worked (or appeared to work) MOST nights EVENTUALLY, I KNOW we struggle with the darn thing every night.

We are also all goofing off under there, FYI.

Every night the audience has reacted to the costumes of the dancers in “Contact” differently. Some nights I hear gasps, sometimes silence, sometimes an actual laugh. They are pretty outrageous, but my favorite was one night when I heard one little old lady sitting front and center exclaim AUDIBLY to the room “OH DEAR GOD!”  She sat with her hand on her face the rest of the number, like she was minutes from covering her eyes. Priceless.

SANTA FE:

I have never gotten to see this performed, but I hear that one of the costumes reminds people of a THRILLER costume, rather than a “homeless person.” Bwa ha ha ha ha!!! Garrick ROCKS!

YOUR EYES:

During “Your Eyes” (the finale love song sung by Roger to a near-death Mimi), Dave (Roger)  inevitably spits in my face on a few words (the same ones every night, I have found). I have learned to just close my eyes before those words and hope for the best.

One night, while lying there and “almost dying” some movement caught my eye on Dave’s (Roger’s) sleeve. There was a rather large and hairy spider crawling up his arm. IT was all very surreal: where did it come from? How did it get on him when he has been on stage this whole time? What should I DO? And then, before I really thought it through, I just tenderly reached up to touch his arm with my sleeve and squished the thing right there. I mean really, what else COULD I have done?

Cast mates…I KNOW I have left some awesome moments out–I can’t remember it all and I wasn’t everywhere at once. Feel free to add to this in the comments section!

…not a total wash. And really after our dress rehearsal I was more than a little concerned. Tensions and emotions ran high Wednesday night and came to quite a head. Multiple technical glitches from mic malfunction to band issues…the works. But, true to tradition, after the epic fail of the dress, Opening Night was a relative success. Actually for most of the cast, last night was awesome.

Typical Opening Night issues: botched entrances, forgotten lines, misplaced (or moved) props, nerves, and some questionable notes gave a raw organic feel to the show…and that was just a list of my own personal debits. Since I can’t actually watch much of the show that I am not in, I have no idea what all else went belly up, but the general consensus from the cast was that it all went really well. So maybe I truly am the weakest link.

Not that I sucked heartily. Just little bitty baby sucks here and there. I have to be careful not to let the intensity of the second act’s emotional lows take away my ability to THINK. That will be my goal tonight. Hold onto to enough Cortney inside my head that I don’t forget Mimi’s lines while suffering a particularly debilitating wave of despair.

Out Tonight can only get better from here on out; endurance INCREASES with repetition, thank goodness. But MAN what a beast. Just cant’ seem to hold onto my breath. And after being told I look “stiff for a stripper,” I am thoroughly pissed that I don’t have more command of the song so as to move more…ahem…realistically.

I feel I contributed more than my share to the snafus of last night and have some clear cut goals of what to improve tonight. Going to sit with my score for a few minutes and double check some entrances. It’s hard when the band sounds a little different each night. And granted last night was only our second full runthrough with the band and costume changes, etc. I feel pretty good about where the show is going. The audience certainly enjoyed last night, and really, at the end of the day, that’s what matters.

So come out and see it!

www.slightlyoffcenterplayers.com

OK, its a retarded title. But allow me a moment of giddy relief. At midnight Tuesday night I was lying in bed hating myself, hating life, regretting my decision to audition for this show, and feeling pretty damn sorry for myself. Twenty-four hours later (most of which were spent sulking) things are looking FAR brighter and I find myself daring to hope that MAYBE this show won’t be a glaring blotch of my own mediocrity on  my performance record for the rest of my life.

Allow me to explain. As of last week I truly felt we were so far behind in the rehearsal process that there was no way we could pull a decent show out of our asses in time for opening night. Thursday had me in tears. I maintain that we were, and ARE behind in terms of how I prefer to be in a show, however, somehow, things are falling into place. Thank GOD, considering dress rehearsal is tomorrow night! My poor fingernails are gnawed to the quick from the stress, but by George I think we’ve (just about) got it.

Tonight went relatively smoothly. The band had some trouble with a few tempos and there were some questionable chord changes happening, (possibly due to the questionably tuned piano)but other than that we had minimal technical difficulties, only one or two really rough transitions (costume changes for Angel are proving to be the real challenge! He’s in drag, he’s outta drag, he is the revolving door of drag queens.) and everything else is (finally!) set and done and ready to go for the most part.

My biggest concern, of course had more to do with myself than anything else. “Out Tonight” was really giving me fits. Truth be told; it gave me fits from day one. Hell it gave me fits when I first sang along with the soundtrack or Rosario Dawson while vacuuming in the privacy of my own living room. The tessitura of the song lies at the very tippy top of my chest belt range, and to sing it anything less than full throttle sounds stupid and weak. It took me a few tries and some fun vowel modification to get it right in the first place when I was just standing by the piano early on in rehearsals, so as soon as we added the climbing all over the scaffolding, the adrenaline rush of finally performing the dang thing had me breathless by the end of the first line. I was toast. AS of last night, I left certain I was physically incapable of singing the stupid song due to lack of time working with the choreography on the set pieces.

Yes, sweet cast mates, I suppose nerves played a big part in that. I have never been a nervous performer, but this show has had me on edge from the beginning, as it is so far outside my idiom. Put me in a legit style musical and I own the role from toenails to hair follicles. Put me in a pop/rock setting and it’s a whole new ballgame. I am truly being vocally outclassed by my cast mates. To be perfectly honest I have ZERO business singing this show, much less this role. I am essentially “just good enough.” But I knew that it was a stretch when I saw the announcement for the audition. But I wanted to see just how far I could reach. Plus, in my mind I was thinking “tiny little community theatre in Pasadena…hmmm…even if I semi-suck, I should be about on par with all the other housewives, coaches, and kiddos that audition…right?” WRONG. Oh so very wrong. The cast is truly a collection of phenomenal voices. Even the ensemble is full of real talent. I never expected to share the stage out here in Deer Park with such an incredible group of people, most of which are in or headed for a professional career in performance or theatre.

All to say: those of you that have heard me sing in more comfortable genres and keys, don’t come to THIS show expecting to hear the Cortney to which you are accustomed. Those of you that have NEVER seen or heard me perform, try to keep in mind that this is NOT my best vocal work and try not to judge my career potential on this!  But really, I am pleased with how well I have done so far. I wasn’t cure if I COULD do it AT ALL. Now I know I really CAN…mostly…and although its not my comfort zone vocally, it IS my comfort zone character-wise. And I really feel like I am doing some of my best work as Mimi.It is very easy to get into her head–way into it actually. Tonight it took me a few minutes to come out of the “nearly overdosed rapidly fading space” or “Goodbye Love.”

Also, tonight three of the cast members (an done crew member) came to me to remark on my performance. That helps a lot. Knowing your team (finally) has faith in you. Thanks for the huge confidence boost guys. I needed it to be sure.

I hope you all know how impressed and amazed I am by each and every one of you. Toi Toi for tonight’s Dress!